More Than Lipstick on His Collar -- Why Life Changed Part I

We all have our routines when we're working moms.  Routines make life simpler.  They make us feel safe -- happy even.  They bring order to the chaos such as mine with three boys, eight baseball games on three different fields, concession stand duties, Boy Scouts, and fourteen loads of laundry in one week.  Let's not forget being a teacher and doing lesson plans and and a forty-five minute commute to school. Or the fact that hubby works in law enforcement over an hour away from home. And when I say "away from home" I mean gone far more than being at home.  I have never been one of those women who seem like they have it all together.  I do put one foot in front of the other and say to myself, "First, I'll do this, next, I'll have to do that, and then, we'll go there." Once "there" I am usually thinking of the next four or five things on the list.  That's the way of life . . .

WAIT . . . that WAS the way of my life!  Before the boys became grown men and two moved out on their own.  Where DID those days go?  Did I forget to breathe one day, pass out and have the hardest part all be over without realizing it happened?  I survived!!!  Best of all, WE survived. I eventually transferred to a school five minutes from home. The hubby also transferred to within ten minutes of home.  The kids grew up happy and healthy.  One was still at home but a junior in high school.  My own teaching position was hard work but rewarding in many ways.  Yes, things had slowed down, but I still had my routines. 

Those routines were still useful.  Like Saturday morning laundry.  It was always easier for me to just get it all done on Saturday so I could have a day off on Sunday.  So, there I was ten months ago sticking with my routine sorting the warms from the colds, the darks from the whites.  At first, the anomaly didn't quite register in my brain.  How did hubby get make-up all over his t-shirt?  Seriously, that's what went through my head.  I even went as far as tossing it aside to be pre-treated.  It stayed there for about a second before I woke up. 

Life changed.  I'm not here to give you a blow by blow of the next few hours.  I will tell you that he was at work and I waited for him to come home.  There was the presentation of the t-shirt and his subsequent attempt at denial including his suggestion that it was my make-up from hugging him.  Let's be clear.  There was make-up on that shirt from shoulder to hem.  I didn't wear that much mascara and foundation in a week.  I pointed out that I hadn't been hugging his hem. (I'm putting it nicely here.) It's almost comical now the way his tactics changed at that point.  This is where the "I love yous" began.  No confession other than his undying love for me. 

I stayed pretty calm through that conversation.  I was even able to tell him that nothing about that shirt said he loved me.  How was calm possible?  You see, he had been preparing me for this moment for years.  I could list of all the times I had strong suspicions but never proof.  This time I had cold, hard, black and Cover Girl classic ivory proof. As hard as I had tried to keep my nearly 27 year marriage together by putting those suspicions aside, every time I knew in my heart what was happening.  I had wanted us to have the happily ever after I believed we could still have if only we could get through the hectic life we had been living.  He would change, settle down, and be the husband I knew he could be.  He was a great dad to our boys.  A well-respected law enforcement officer.  And on top of it all, he treated me like gold. It was as though I lived with two men.  Mr. Wonderful and Mr. Hollywood.  Mr. Wonderful helped me around the house, cooked, cleaned, was sweet, and loads of fun to be with.  Mr. Hollywood craved and gladly received the attention other women would give him and/or his uniform.  Reconciling how those two men lived in one body has always been difficult for me.  

Life changed.  I could no longer deny or put aside the truth.  These past nine months have been a rough journey, but I'll put the first "happy" in all of this out there.  I'm able to write about it.  I've lived long enough to share it, not in a "vengeful towards him" way, but a "hopeful for me" way.  To be honest, there were many times I didn't think I'd live to see this day come.  It's here, and all I have to do is click "Publish".

Part II and How I'm Finding My Happy coming up soon!